


cause you said forever

by thatkategirl82



Category: His Dark Materials (TV), His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, F/F, Loss, Love, Memories, this is very sad i'm so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:20:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29091195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatkategirl82/pseuds/thatkategirl82
Summary: Forever doesn't always mean forever. TW: Major Character Death
Relationships: Marisa Coulter/Mary Malone
Comments: 14
Kudos: 23





	cause you said forever

Her hands were shaking. She folded them together, neatly, and pressed them into the soft material covering her lap. The skirt was new – bought specifically for this moment – to never be worn again. She’d gone through the motions of finding an outfit, of waking up this morning and sweeping her hair into a neat updo. She even applied makeup, dark eyeliner and mascara.

She couldn’t bring herself to wear eyeshadow. Standing at the bathroom sink, looking down at the palette, she heard a laugh behind her and a voice chime: _we’re going to miss our reservations while you debate whether or not to do a smokey eye!_ She would never do a smokey eye again. 

The children were sitting in the front row, next to their mother. All of them were crying. She watched them through hooded, dry eyes – part of her felt like she should approach, should say something. Anything. But was it her place? To insert herself into this family affair when she was no one? She had no official ties to them, to _her_. Instead, she squeezed her hands tighter together and sat silently as the chairs filled in around her.

Her gaze fell on Oliver, taking a seat on the other side of the large room next to some quietly chatting students. She’d had a few exchanges with him over the last few months. She didn’t particularly care for him, and she had made those feelings known in her typical matter-of-fact way. _Oliver will be at the party tonight. Could you play nice, please? For me?_ She had not.

A hush fell over the quiet murmurs of conversation when an older well-dressed man wearing a large cross around his neck stepped up to the podium. His presence was commanding, all eyes drawn to his lithe form and patchy gray hair.

“Thank you for coming.”

She swallowed, thickly. _Father Nathaniel was the first person I talked to about becoming a nun. When I was a girl, he had the same bald spot on the top of his head as he does now. When the light hits it just right, it blinds half the congregation._

“We are gathered here today to fondly remember a family member, friend, colleague, and lifelong member of this congregation. Mary Malone.”

_It’s Doctor._

“It’s Doctor.”

Her voice was scratchy with disuse, but the words shot out across the large room, echoing from the walls and reverberating back through her body. She felt rather than saw the room full of people turn towards her – this random woman, sitting in the very last aisle, interrupting the Priest. But she didn’t care. She tilted her chin and locked eyes with the balding man, who looked as unbalanced as if she’d taken a bat to his kneecaps.

“Dr. Mary Malone,” She repeated, loudly. Firmly.

The Priest nodded. “Of course, my mistake. Dr. Mary Malone.”

He continued on, speaking words that went in one of her ears and straight out the other. She leaned heavily into the hard wood of the chair, ignoring the curious glances from those around her. Oliver looked as if he was tempted to approach her, but thought better and settled back into his seat.

The service passed in a blur. She sat quietly, frozen, barely listening as people got up to share their memories. Soon the doors were open, and the room was empty, save for her.

“We’re going to the cemetery.”

She looked up, surprised to see a woman with a child on each side clutching her hands. Mary’s sister. _I need to get some candy when we go to the store. What’s that look for? I know it's unhealthy but the kiddos love it. It doesn’t matter I’m their only aunt, I want to be their_ favorite _aunt._

“You should come. She would want you there.”

With a single nod of her head, the woman and the children were gone.

Standing stiffly, she smoothed out the black fabric of her skirt and followed them. As if on auto pilot, she maneuvered her vehicle into the line of the funeral procession. She was the last car – fitting. When they arrived, she kept her distance. Pulling a thick coat around her small frame, she leaned up against a tree and watched the proceedings from afar. Mary’s sister was sobbing, a man rubbing one hand up and down her back. A few university students were gathered together, arms linked, quietly exchanging tissues with one another.

She couldn’t watch as the dark mahogany coffin was lifted and lowered.

Instead, she turned her gaze to the sky.

It was a brilliant blue. The sun shone high overhead, casting its light as far as the eye could see. For such a somber affair, she expected rain and clouds; weather that reflected the mood.

But that hadn’t been Mary.

Mary was sunshine and blue skies. She was warmth and light. She gave love freely, with no hesitations or insecurities. 

Some birds chirped in the tree above her and some flyaway strands of hair danced around her features, lifted by the gentle fall breeze. With it, a whisper:

 _I love you, Marisa._

**Author's Note:**

> I'M SORRY I HATE ME FOR THIS TOO


End file.
